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My husband thinks I am trying to kill him...

When it comes to doing projects around the house I am a do it your self kind of person. I like to get my hands dirty and help. But my husband thinks otherwise!!! We have two totally different ways of thinking so our projects usually end up with him getting mad at me about something. One thing I have come to realize over the years is how to go about doing the projects with less hassle. With Joe I usually tell him my idea and then let him take it from there. Because lets face it he does know a little more about the mechanics of things, tools, and what does what. Then I am the designated helper!!! I get the tools, clean up the messes, hold the flash light, and get him water or a snack. You know all the crap work. If this was a construction job I would be the laborer. The funny thing is when I try to do things myself I end up having to get him to help me anyways. So, now I just save my self the time and aggravation and have him do it first. So ladies, let him think he is running the show when in all reality you are the boss and he is really doing the work for you.

We have these beautiful bathroom light fixtures I have been bugging Joe to put in out bathroom for at least a year now. Well, FINALLY he decides to do it because he had some extra time on his hands. He kept telling me what a big project it was going to be. But I think he just didn’t want to do it. Because it only took us a couple hours to do it. So, anyways he started taking apart the fixture. When I walked in the bathroom I noticed it was dark so out of habit I turned on the light switch. Nothing happened I looked up and there was no bulbs, my husband said “what are you doing I am taking apart the fixture?” I apologized and told him it was out of habit. I also suggested he turned off the breaker. He said it was fine and for ME not to touch the switch to stay away!!! So we were getting into our project and I decided to change my shirt. Joe was in the garage I walked into our closet and turned on the light (which by the way was right next to the bathroom light). I tuned both on, changed then went back into the garage. Well, next thing you know Joe is SCREAMING, “ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!?!?!” “YOU TURNED THE LIGHTS ON AND I JUST GOT SHOCKED.” He was sooo mad at me! I felt really bad and said sorry. Then he storms over to the panel box and shuts off the electricity. I felt really bad about it, but it was an accident. But that’s what Joe and most men will throw in your face is that you have to think about what you are doing, pay attention. I am sure you ladies have heard it all too. We laugh about it now and he loves to tell everyone the story of how his wife trying to kill him. So my advice to both husbands and wives…TURN OFF THE ELECTRICITY!!!=) By the way the fixture looks wonderful!!!

I think my wife is trying to kill me!!!!

A good practice for us men is to come to the realization that our "better halves" are only so capable when it comes to doing anything that involves any mechanical inclination. The sooner we except that they are only feeble helpers when it comes to do-it-yourself projects the better your relationship will be. The moment you start to expect any kind of journeyman type thought process to come from there pretty little heads is when you can count on a fight that you will probably lose. When faced with the situation where you have to do a "love bonding project" that they saw on Trading Spaces or Design on a dime your best hope is to dress them up in some little shorts or something hot like that and let them stand there and look pretty. At least you have something to look at while you work and if you start to get mad about something they did so obviously ass backwards, just look at them all dressed up in their sexy outfit and ask yourself, is its worth giving up a night, or possibly a week or longer of sex over something so trivial because more then likely they are going to be in the mood after watching you do manly work all day.

I know that this will be no easy task so let me tell you what happened to me recently wile installing some bathroom lights for my wife. I began my by disconnecting the old light fixture from the wall in the bathroom. After removing all the bulbs from the fixture, I began to unscrew it from the wall. Since the light is on a switch and my electric panel is not marked so clearly I decided I would just turn off the light switch to cut the power from the fixture instead of trying to find the right breaker and risk having to reset a couple clocks in my house. My wife standing there all hot looking decided to "help me out". It didn't seem to her that I had enough light so she decided to do what comes natural and turn on the light switch. Keep in mind I have removed all the bulbs from the fixture at this point. Luckily I saw her in the mirror and had not exposed any bare wires as of yet. So I explained to her that I had plenty of light and stressed the importance that she not turn on the light switch because I could be electrocuted. Then I sent her to the garage to look for a part we needed. After removing the old fixture I needed to see if the light bracket that I had for the new light was going to fit the old box that was in the wall. As I was walking to the garage my wife passed me in the hall complaining about her shirt being to tight but as usual I wasn't really paying attention I just checked out her rack and continued down the hall. When I returned to the bathroom with the new shiny metal bracket I reached up to compare it with the old box and ZAP!!!!!! I looked like a stroke patient as jolt of electricity ran down the right side of my body from my finger tips to my toes. After a few second I regained my wits and realized I had been shocked. I was trying to figure out how it happened when it all came to me like a CSI flash back. When I was on my way back to the bathroom connected to our master bedroom I passed my wife again and as usual check out her rack but now she was wearing a different shirt. I looked at our closet and noticed the light was on, and then I looked at the closet light switch that's on the same box as the bathroom light switch. When my wife came to the room to change her shirt she hit both switches on and then walked out. I was furious, I hollered to her in the garage" ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME OR WHAT" she asked what I was talking about and I said you turned on the bathroom light when you changed your shirt. (I am leaving out some of the more colorful adjectives) Then I screamed "I JUST GOT SHOCKED". In which she replied "oh, sorry". I just kept my mouth shut and walked to the breaker box turned off ALL the breakers, finished the light and got some guilt booty that night.

Jeff Dunham & Walter talking about Love and Marriage - Spark Of Insanity

A childs point of view of love and marriage!!

These where some questions asked to kids about love and marriage. There are some pretty funny answers!!!

WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?

"Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other." (Judy, 8)

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." (Tommy, 5)

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies,and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 10)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)

"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." (Kally, 9)

THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them." (Lynette, 9)

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." (Kenny, 7)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE:

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." Jan, 9)

"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." (Harlen, 8)

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:

"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9)

"If falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes to long to learn." (Leo, 7)

ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE AND ROMANCE:

"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)

"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)

"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." (Christine, 9)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS:

"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off, because they paid good money for them." (David, 8)

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE:

"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' are on TV." (Anita, 6)

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I've been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8)

"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." (Regina, 10)

PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER:

"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." (Ava, 8)

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU:

"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." (Del, 6)

"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9)

"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." (Bart, 9)

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE ?

"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." (John, 9)

"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." (Brad, 8)

"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like their hearts are on fire." (Christine, 9)

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY, "I LOVE YOU":

"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him, but I hope he showers at least once a day." (Michelle, 9)

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS:

"You learn it right on the spot, when the 'gooshy' feelings get the best of you." (Doug, 7)

"It might help if you watched soap operas all day." (Carin, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That's why I stopped doing it." (Jean, 10)

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE:

"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom, 7)

Don't forget your wife's name...that will mess up the love." (Roger,8)

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take the trash out." (Randy,8)

Crazy Wedding Rings

Click to enlarge

This one is from the redneck wedding collection, it can be bought at the bass and pro shop. j/k


This one is also part of the redneck collection, this ring will also come in handy when you say your wedding toast with your favorite bottled beer!!! lol


This one is a great precautionary for the chance you spouse gets amnesia, has no other identification and needs to be identified.


This one is for the promiscuous wife, it cant be so easily removed. (my wife said that wont stop a guy)

(Click the ring below to see the animated Version, it makes more sense)


This is from the perpetual "I'm working late again" men's collection it comes with a secret tracking device!!!


This ones great if you ever have to "bust a cap" and you don't have your gun.


This one is from our cyber nerd collection, or for those couples that met on line, if you cant tell what it is, its a hand holding a computer mouse!!!





These ones where just some strange ones I found. I couldn't imagine getting my wife to wear one of these, it would take a special kind of woman. (The last one I found on a website and it was for sale for $350 dollars, that's no joke)

Interesting Statistics

• There were approximately 2,230,000 marriages in 2005 -- down from 2,279,000 the previous year, despite a total population increase of 2.9 million over the same period.
• The divorce rate in 2005 (per 1,000 people) was 3.6 -- the lowest rate since 1970, and down from 4.2 in 2000 and from 4.7 in 1990. (The peak was at 5.3 in 1981, according to the Associated Press.)
• The marriage rate in 2005 (per 1,000) was 7.5, down from 7.8 the previous year.
• In 2004, the state with the highest reported divorce rate was Nevada, at 6.4 (per 1,000). Arkansas was a close second, with a divorce rate of 6.3, followed by Wyoming at 5.3. The District of Columbia had the lowest reported divorce rate, at 1.7, followed by Massachusetts at 2.2 and Pennsylvania at 2.5. (Figures were not complete for California, Georgia, Hawaii, Indiana, Louisiana, or Oklahoma.)
• 8.1% of coupled households consist of unmarried heterosexual partners, according to The State of Our Unions 2005, a report issued by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University. The same study said that only 63% of American children grow up with both biological parents -- the lowest figure in the Western world.
• As of 2003, 43.7% of custodial mothers and 56.2% of custodial fathers were either separated or divorced. And in 2002, 7.8 million Americans paid about $40 billion in child and/or spousal support (84% of the payers were male).
• Americans tend to get married more between June and October than during the rest of the year. In 2005, August had the most marriages at about 235,000 or a rate of 9.3 per 1,000 people. The previous year, July was the highest month at 246,000, or a rate of 9.9; this doubled the lowest month in 2004, January.

(Sources: U.S. Census Bureau, National Center for Health Statistics)